Honestly? I’d Rather Stay in Bed.

For me, waking up has never been enjoyable.

It ranks pretty much at the bottom of the list, right next to pulling weeds and waiting in line at the post office.

Yes, I absolutely LOATHE waking up. If I could sleep in forever, I would. But then I’d just be dead.

Which makes me wonder — why do we long for sleep but dread death? Wouldn’t it just be like a really long nap?

Anyway, I digress.

What I was saying is that I absolutely despise the mandatory interruption of my morning slumber. That cozy cocoon of warm sheets and fluffy pillows and imaginary places. It’s like a symphony, but instead of music notes — it’s silence. Sweet, beautiful silence.

It’s a place where nothing is better than something. Where less is more. And where precious minutes are worth their weight in gold.

It’s a place of refuge, devoid of any and all responsibility. Nothing to do. Just a quiet, empty space in the middle of a busy and chaotic world.

Why, I’d be content to lie there all morning, having my pancakes and orange juice while binging Netflix on my iPad. The world waited 8 hours for me stop and rest; it can wait a little longer as I catch up on House of Cards.

Besides, what’s the rush? There are over 7 billion people on the planet. Whatever I was going to do, I’m sure someone out there can do it just as well. Heck, maybe even better! Perhaps I’ll even help them find my replacement — right after this episode, that is.

The truth is that, as the rest of the world becomes more uncivilized, this quiet place of serenity is starting to look like the best place to wait things out. No blaring horns or thorny drivers. No internet trolls or political punchouts. Just a safe space with fresh linens and unlimited Wifi.

Of course, our good friend Ben Franklin famously said, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” Well, obviously, old buddy Ben never experienced lying on a deluxe pillow-top mattress with 350 thread count cotton sheets. If the old sage had lived in the 21st century, I can assure you he would feel differently about the matter.

And what about the Miracle Morning crowd? Those lost souls scurrying about before the sun’s first glow, raving about their meditations and affirmations. I can affirm to you that there is no meditation deeper than my 8:30–9:30am snooze-a-thon. And while they’re dragging themselves through the mid-afternoon slump, I’ll be zooming right by them (with the help of a grande vanilla latté, no less).

For me, waking up has never been enjoyable. It’s one of those necessary evils, like taking out the trash or paying your taxes. You don’t enjoy doing it, but you do it because, well, it has to be done.

And although I know I should probably get up now, I think I’ll snooze and lie here just a bit longer.